Are you afflicted with “Elder Daughter Syndrome”? We’ve got you!

When I first came across the phrase “Elder Daughter Syndrome”, I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. It was all too familiar, all too real. 

As the oldest child in my own family, the years I was supposed to be playing and living my wildest life were perpetually delayed in lieu of being the shining studious example for my younger siblings.

If you’re the eldest daughter in your family, you already know the deal: you were the unpaid intern to adulthood before you even hit double digits.

Homework tutor? Emotional coach? Mini mom in training? Diplomat during family drama? 

Do these roles sound familiar? Did they affect your mental health over time?

Welcome to Elder Daughter Syndrome—where love, responsibility, and emotional labor are woven so tightly together, you sometimes forget you deserve to just be.

So, what exactly is Elder Daughter Syndrome?

It’s the unofficial name for the layered emotional burden and mental health stress that firstborn daughters often carry. Raised to be hyper-responsible, hyper-independent, and hyper-attuned to the needs of others, elder daughters are seen as “the reliable one” from a young age.

And while that’s a beautiful testament to their strength, it also comes with real emotional and mental health costs.

A 2022 Pew Research Center study found that firstborn children are more likely to take on leadership roles — but eldest daughters, in particular, are often expected to perform invisible caregiving tasks long before anyone asks their brothers to do the same. 

According to the Institute for Family Studies, eldest daughters are 30% more likely to take on family caregiving responsibilities compared to their male siblings.

So basically, eldest daughters run on love, caffeine (in my case, tea), and silent expectations.

Psychologist Dr. Jessica Taylor captures it perfectly: "First daughters are often taught to mother before they’re mothered."

Add on the layer of cultural nuance and diverse backgrounds, eldest daughters often have to deal with feeling responsible for keeping peace in the family, becoming the "fixer" for parents, siblings, and extended relatives, struggling to ask for help or rest without guilt (**raises hand**), constantly feel they have to "be strong" no matter what, grow up fast, and carry adult emotional burdens as kids.

At Tala Thrive, we support you with the tools to help drop that invisible cap of unreasonable responsibility. We connect you with culturally competent therapists and coaches who understand your culture, language and/or religion. 

So book your first session today at Tala Thrive and join our community to get the support you need.

Remember, we want you to thrive - mentally, physically, and emotionally - so you can start living the life you truly deserve. 

By Lola Akinmade